James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Dinner break...

Last night, I took a 3-hour vacation from my motherly duties and attended a dinner for the MBA spouses on campus... by myself.

I trudged up the same hill I hiked nearly every day when I was a freshman eight (yes EIGHT) years ago, suddenly missing my college girls so much it was downright painful and wishing I still had my Diner Plus meal plan because paying for Jamba and Subway with real money blows.

Then I got to thinking how much my life has changed since I was 18, how much I have changed, and I suddenly felt very old.

But I digress...

Shall we get to the point of this rambling?
Let's shall.

Getting out of the house completely on my own felt absolutely amazing.
And putting on a little makeup and some heels can do wonders for this girl's self esteem.

Being a full-time, stay-at-home mother has been an interesting adjustment for me.

I love it and I'm grateful that I get to do it and I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes I find myself aching for the newsroom and my coworkers and the day-to-day excitement (and crazy stress) that comes with working in journalism.

Especially on days that my daughter seems intent on bringing about my demise.

But when I start to miss work, I also feel a flood of guilt.
Mostly because I recognize how incredibly lucky I am to be able to choose to stay home with my children and what a blessing it is to be there every day to witness the smiles and tricks and milestones that Reece misses out on sometimes.

And let's face it, the "breaking news" at home (first steps, first words, first nail polish disaster, and perhaps most monumental -- Reece getting peed on) is much less depressing than the breaking news at work (murder, natural disaster, scandal).

So I've made the following deal with myself:

It's perfectly OK, and even justified, to miss my job.
Craving alone time doesn't make me a bad mother.

I just have to enjoy the adventure (and undeniable perks) of being at home.
Besides, as my husband so often reminds me, when I was at work, I regularly called him to complain about desperately missing my baby.

Now back to the dinner...
I had a lovely time chatting with lovely women who are in very similar life stages.
It will be quite nice to have that support system as we head into the insanity of the next two years.

Walking back to my car, all I could think about was getting home to hold and kiss my babies (and my husband).
Because absence, however abbreviated, definitely make this heart grow fonder.


Jessica said...

You should feel guilty at all! Becoming a stay-at-home-mom was a REALLY hard transition! And I think I'll always miss it sometimes. But you learn to embrace the awesomeness of staying at home with the kiddos. Because it is indeed, awesome.