Yesterday I began my new job as a full-time mother of two.
I've never been more nervous to report for duty.
Reece kissed me goodbye, assured me I would live to see another day and headed back to the world of bread winning.
I tried not to sob as I heard the car pull out of the driveway, and was quickly distracted by a yell from the hungry baby next to me.
I fed him (the first of about 3920840398 feedings that day), propped him up on the Boppy and let good old Jack Donaghy babysit while I rushed to jump in the shower before Lola woke up.
Yes, our children watch 30 Rock.
But of course the sound of the shower running stirred my eldest from her slumber, so I rushed to free her from her crib, wrapped in my towel.
I was greeted with a "Mommy naked? Where'd your pants go?"
Meanwhile, James continued to do this:
His sister munched on her very healthy breakfast of fruit leather (glorified fruit snacks) as I rushed back to the bathroom for shower attempt number two.
Throughout the duration of my four-minute shower, I prayed Lola wouldn't try to push James off her couch.
Because I really, really wouldn't put it past her.
But alas, we all survived.
I set Lola up with her current favorite, "Monsters Inc." and dashed back downstairs to bathe James.
My boy loathes baths more than anything else we've exposed him to (with the exception of maybe Rachel Ray) and regularly protests by peeing all over me.
I'm happy to report that his pee stream missed me by a mile this time.
Tender mercies, people.
Next up, sibling time as I attempted to down a piece of toast and a Diet Dr. Pepper (shocker: my attempts to give up this addiction have failed -- possibly because they are non existent).
I'm pretty sure Lola likes to poke him to make sure he's real and not some sick joke her parents are playing on her.
Apparently sibling time got old quick because I returned to the room to find her corresponding with heaven knows who on my cell phone contact list.
If you got a strange or offensive text from me yesterday around noon, it was all Lola.
Lunch for me consisted of Smores ice cream with whipped cream on top.
Fast, tasty and full of calcium (cough, chocolate).
Lunch of champions, if you ask me.
And then a miracle occurred.
Lola went down for her nap without a fight.
And here's the clincher: she stayed asleep for almost four hours.
[Insert Hallelujah Chorus here]
During this miraculous slumber, Tara and Rhea came to visit, which was awesome for many reasons -- one being the adult interaction.
All the while, my mellow little guy just swung in his swing, shaking his head at the estrogen overload.
When Lola finally woke up, she climbed into my lap as I fed James and sang me songs until we were both laughing so hard the boy yelled in protest.
After taking his stand, he promptly went back to sleep.
But he made sure to keep the grumpy face, just in case we had any ideas about starting up the laughter again.
I was amazed when I glanced at the clock and realized Reece was due home any minute.
Apparently time flies when you're juggling two kidlets.
Reece took us out for ice cream to celebrate the fact that we all survived the day without any major emotional or physical trauma.
He would never admit it, but I'm certain he was shocked when he returned home to no tears (or bloodshed).
Though I didn't have the satisfaction of filling out my time card at the end of my first shift, I found myself feeling content, even downright prideful as we tucked our babies in bed.
Maybe, just maybe, I can do this.
Because I kind of love this job, even though it can be terrifying at times.
And have you seen my babies?
They're not too tough on the eyes -- unlike my computer screen in the newsroom.