James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Patience...

It's never, ever been my virtue.  I'm an instant gratification kind of girl.  I like to have things happen when I want them to happen.

Good thing I married a patient man.

Once Reece and I decided we were going to get married, I cursed him every day for two months because he hadn't officially proposed yet.  Since I was adamantly opposed to this engaged-to-be-engaged business, I refused to plan anything until it was official, which drove my poor beloved nuts.  Turns out, he was planning a grand gesture that included a surprise trip to New York City, but since I threatened to break up with him if I didn't have a ring on my finger, he had to devise a different, more immediate plan.

I convinced Reece to pay the "European" doctor $30 to reveal to us the gender of our baby when I was just 15 weeks along.  If I had waited 5 more weeks, I could have kept that 30 bucks for diapers.

The second I hit 37 weeks in my pregnancy, I forced Reece to go walking with me every night to encourage Lola to get moving.  Once my due date came and went, I bawled every night for hours as my poor husband sat helplessly rubbing my cankles.

I always make Reece open his Christmas/birthday presents days, even weeks early because I can't wait until the actual holiday to see his reaction.

I could go on and on, but I should probably get to the point.

Over the past month or so, there was something I wanted.  Really, really badly.  Something I thought was an absolute, sure thing.  I had already started planning our life around this big thing. 

Turns out, this "sure" thing didn't work out.  I didn't get what I wanted, and I was crushed.  I started to question everything, because I was sure that I had received a strong confirmation that this thing was right for my family, was right for Reece, was right for me.

But apparently, it wasn't.

It took several days of tears to realize that sometimes life is not about "yes" or "no," it's about timing.  Right now, we got a "no."  But that doesn't mean that confirmation I felt wasn't legitimate. 

I know that eventually, we will get a "yes."  That "yes" will feel amazing, probably more amazing that it would have felt this time around. 

For now though, I am looking at this whole experience as a lesson in patience.  It's a lesson I desperately need to learn.  It's painful, sure.  But I know that once I've become more open to this virtue, I will be able to handle life's little disappointments with more grace, poise and optimism.

Because screaming, crying and questioning don't exactly equate to grace and poise.

What I am sure of is that I have an incredible husband.  One I really don't even come close to deserving.  One who would literally do anything for me and for our daughter.  One who sacrifices so much to make everyone else in his life happy.  One who works hard to provide for our little family and to secure a comfortable future for us.

I'm glad I had the patience required to wait for him to come into my life, because that "yes" completed me.

So thank you, darling, for having the patience to make me feel loved, safe and blessed even in the toughest of times.

And for telling me "yes" when I ask for ice cream every single day.

4 comments:

mathistown said...

Wow, you sound JUST like me! I totally hear you about the trial that is mandatory patience, and I hope it all works out even better than you'd hoped/planned. :)

Alysha said...

I love you. You are amazing. I know this is awful and selfish, but there are a few things I like about you having to have patience, it means I still get to see you whenever I want and need you. Thanks for being so good to me. Keep your chin up. Things will work out. :)

todd and erin said...

This is a great post! It sounds like we are experiencing similar situations! I don't know what yours involves, but ours is a big decision too and I can't think about it too much or I will freak out. I just have to trust in our Heavenly Father and know He'll look out for us. Hang in there! I'm sure you'll look back later and realize this was for the best.

AJ and Cindy said...

I know great things are in store for you guys, and I can't wait to see what that it is! Patience is hard for me, too :( I love you and hope things fall into place just the way you want them to!