James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

And So It Begins...

Last night, I noticed something strange.

My belly felt completely... still.

As in, lacking all movement.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, my baby is ANYTHING but still. She is all about figuring out how many ways she can kick/punch/headbutt/shoulder jab Mama. The nightly dance party rages into the wee hours of the morning.

I tried to tell myself she was just sleeping, that she finally wore her little body out and needed some rest.

But when I woke up around 3 am, it wasn't because of the usual middle-of-the-night rib smack, nor was it Adele trying to eat my face. This time, it was sheer anxiety that shook me from my slumber.

I poked. I prodded. I even tried patting the belly like a bongo drum.

Nothing. Nothing. Even more nothing.

By my shower at 6:45, I started to panic. What's going on? She can't be sleeping. There is no way she's suddenly chosen a life of good behavior.

I trudged into work, sat down and nearly burst into tears. Something was wrong. I could feel it. One of my co-workers suggested I put something cold on the belly, to freeze the chick out of hiding. But not even five straight minutes of Fresca on skin (and Mama's pride) could get my baby to budge.

I am lucky to work with incredibly supportive people, who wished me well as I rushed off to my doctor's office for a visit with the fetal heart monitor.

Sitting in the oversized armchair with wires and devices attached to my belly, I finally heard the sound I was so desperate to hear.

And two seconds later, she kicked. Hard.

This time, I really did burst into tears. And I realized in that moment how much I already adore my kid, even though we haven't officially met.

Somehow I know this new kind of worry will never really go away. Because to love someone this much, can be downright terrifying.

9 comments:

Danielle said...

oh crap you just made me cry. Crying is something you won't ever be able to get rid of after having a kid. I'm so glad everything's o.k.

Amanda said...

you made me cry too. and i don't even have a kid. but it makes me happy that you adore your little girl. it's just so...beautiful.

much love. i'm glad everything is okay.

Jessica said...

Make that three criers. I've had that happen a couple of times, one just a few days ago and it's so scary. It makes all the kicks to the ribs and internal organs very enjoyable. So glad she's okay!

Alexis said...

Oh man, I would get so freaking paranoid that I actually got on the internet and looked up how much it would be to buy one of the fetal heart monitor things!! Ha!

Kristina said...

What a roller coaster! You're gonna be a great mom.
And this is belated, but y'all are more than welcome in CO anytime! We'd love to have y'all and your little bambina too!

Emily said...

I remember feeling that way too! Theres this quote I read once and it describes crazy mother-love perfectly.... "Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone
We must be crazy! ;) It's the best adventure ever, you're going to be such a great mom. :)

Sarah said...

I'm so glad to hear everything is ok! You've come so far it's so scary when they play the quiet game. I'm so glad she's ok.

Future Mama said...

Yea, wow, this made me cry! Thanks a lot!!

steph and brent said...

Aww, now I'm on the verge of tears. I'm so glad things are okay!