I love technology...

...but not as much as you, you see. But I still love technology, always and forever.

Anyway, I do have a little friend I like to call my BlackBerry.

Children watch in awe, mothers run away shielding their babies eyes, an old man in overalls and a straw hat with a piece of hay in his mouth says, "Well ain't that somethin'," and Jessica rolls her eyes.

Within seconds, I'm on ESPN.com looking at sports scores, on Facebook looking at pictures and updating my profile, or watching my 401k portfolio hit the shizzer on eTrade. Oh look, an email...BOOM! I've already responded before you can say, "forward this to 500 of your friends or you'll die of flesh eating bacteria."

Dare you ask, "Can I have one?" I say, yes. With a new 2 year contract, and a piece of your soul, you can, my friend. Join me in technological paradise.

They may say "unplug."

I respond... I don't know how.