James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

Friday, April 4, 2008

Ode to Uncle Rob...

It has been brought to my attention that I have made a HUGE error, possibly the biggest of my life. In my Interesting post, I listed all the places that I have lived. Unfortunately, after going completely braindead for several seconds, I failed to mention New Jersey, perhaps the most inspiring and influential place I have had the privilege of inhabiting. By doing so, I have unintentionally shunned and disrespected my New Jersey family and ruined their lives, perhaps permanently.

I am now "dead" to my dear uncle (not to mention FATHER) Rob, the man who made life in Jersey so fabulous.

And so I write this post in a desperate yet feeble attempt to right the terrible wrong that I have so foolishly committed.

To put it simply, here are the top ten reasons why Uncle Rob is the greatest man on earth:

Reason #1: He took me in when no one else wanted me...gave me an incredible internship and allowed me to steal his wife from him for months at a time.

Reason #2: He displays (proudly) all of the beautiful gifts that I give him...the Napoleon Dynamite mousepad on his desk, the plastic crucifix in his home office, the pope pendant (shown in the picture above...please note the green ribbon fashioned into a chain) around his neck, the bunion shaver on his nightstand-used almost nightly...I am a very good gift-giver, and he is a very gracious receiver.

Reason #3: He keeps the drink room stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper, dropping hundreds (nay, thousands) of dollars each summer to keep me hydrated.

Reason #4: He is helping me achieve my lifelong dream of becoming famous...filming some of my finest interpretive dance work and putting it to music.

Reason #5: He always has my best interests at heart. Like when I told him I was getting married, he staged a "teenage bride intervention" and tried to shave my head. I mean, what was I THINKING getting married as a child?

Reason #6: He reminds me when my shows are on.

Reason #7: He rigged an awards ceremony on our company "booze cruise" and gave me the award for "Best Dancer"...aka a $100 gift certificate to Lady Foot Locker.

Reason #8: He protects me from scary boys. When an ice dancer (yes, an ICE DANCER) asked me out, he threatened to follow us on our date. I really wish he had. He offered me a plane ticket to New Jersey to get me out of that wedding thing :)...I think that offer still stands.

Reason #9: He drives out of his way to make sure that I get my ice cream cones...AND puts up with me when I get everyone pumped to go get Rita's Mistos and then don't order anything when we get there.

Reason #10: He ALWAYS forgives me, no matter what I do, because I am his favorite niece/daughter and always will be :)

Love you uncle! Also, I changed the blasphemous post to include New Jersey...bolded and capitalized.

For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, I apologize.