Please forgive the terrifying picture.
Makeup days are becoming fewer and farther between.
Last night Lola decided she only needed about 30 minutes of sleep, which was about 7 hours and 30 minutes less than Reece and I normally require.
I was exhausted and frustrated and a complete emotional wreck, mostly because I couldn't rock Lola the way I wanted to, nor could I lay her on my chest and fall asleep with her as I once loved to do.
The baby in my belly kicked in protest as his sister clung to me and I found myself angry at both of my children for completely irrational and inexcusable reasons.
And then I felt like terrible, useless, miserable excuse for a mother.
I burst into tears and asked Reece why we thought we could have more than one child when I was so inadequate, so completely unequipped to balance my life as it is.
Without answering, he quietly pulled Lola from my arms, wiped her tears, pointed to our bedroom and rocked our daughter for hours so I could get some sleep.
And that, my friends, is why I know I can have another baby.
Because when one of us breaks down, the other is there to pick up the pieces.
The reality is, these sleepless nights are about to get much more frequent.
I will probably find myself in tears on a regular basis.
Because sometimes, being a parent is just plain difficult, no matter how you spin it.
But when I heard my baby knocking on my door this morning, asking for "Mommy," my fears and doubts and anxieties were momentarily forgotten, and I was reminded of why I love being a mother so much and why I can't wait to have two children to take care of.
Nine more weeks!
Let's hope my Lola bird decides to get some shut eye tonight, for Reece's sake.
Because dealing with crazy pregnant Jessica is one thing, but dealing with crazy, pregnant, exhausted Jessica is a completely different ballgame.
Dude, I love my husband.
4 comments:
You are amazing. Adding another kid to the mix will just double the amazingness. PS, do you have good earplugs? They've changed my sleep life.
You're tan! In my world tan = no makeup. :D I'm glad I'm not the only one who simply doesn't understand how it's possible with more than one. However, I'm completely confident in your mothering skills.
You will amaze your self what you can do as a mother of two. I think that is why we have more then one child so we can grow as women. Even though I am perfectly fine not growing as a person. But like you said for the times we can't make it we have our amazing husbands to fill the gaps. You will do great and for the days reece is gone with school I am done coming to visit you even though those roads scare the pooh straight out of me. I am going to need to put plastic on my car to catch all the pooh.
you should never feel inadequate! i think you're amazing. you do it all! and look good doing it i might add.
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