James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

James + Reece + Lola + Jessica

Friday, December 17, 2010

Blue Christmas...

Today started out with my baby screaming bloody murder from the moment she woke up at seven thirty to about noon.

Cutting four canines and four molars will do that to a girl.

Being exhausted, pregnant and quite impatient by nature -- I did not handle the situation well.  I cried more than she did -- something I'm certain only aggravated her emotional state even further.

I called Reece at work and sobbed about my lack of mothering skills and my need for a break.
I called my mother and repeated a similar sentiment.
My selfishness and insecurity came out in full force, and I couldn't find a way to shut it down.

But after a Christmas shopping trip to the Gateway, delivering Christmas goodies around the neighborhood, dinner of turkey chili, baked potatoes and cornbread with good friends and a viewing of A Christmas Story, I realized what a lucky girl I truly am.

Some days are rough.
Most days are lovely.

I guess that's what makes motherhood so beautiful.
And thank heavens mamas aren't expected to be perfect, because though I'm certain many of the mothers I know are pretty close, I'm about as flawed as they come.

Let's just hope my babies [and husband] can forgive me.


AJ and Cindy said...

I am so sorry your morning was rough. Those days are always so hard, and you know I have had many breakdowns myself, and you are always there for me saying the right things, I hope you will remember what you tell me, and know what a fabulous mama you are. Noone could love Lola more than you! and also know how normal it is to have those days, and it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. Our shopping trip was so fun today, especially the minor shop lifting experience {that was the funniest thing ever!} I am so happy we could get out of the house and hopefully make your afternoon a little brighter. Love you lots!